How to Deal with Children when we are Angry?

Reshmi Mohan A, Child Developmental Therapist, SUT Hospital, Pattom

Anger is a natural human emotion. It often stems from frustration, stress, or the pressures of a hectic day. While it is perfectly normal to feel angry at times, how we handle that emotion especially around children can have a lasting impact on their behaviour and emotional development.

During moments of anger, it is easy to say things without thinking. But children often become the unintended targets of our emotional outbursts. Many parents, knowingly or unknowingly burst out their frustration from work or personal life onto their children. This can lead to confusion, emotional insecurity and behavioural problems in children.

What not to do during Anger?

1. Do not lose control in front of your children. Children learn emotional regulation by observing us.
2. In anger, parents often compare their child to the other parent or siblings. This may create a false identity in the child’s mind, pushing them to imitate behaviors they think are expected of them. It can also foster jealousy among
   siblings.
3. Mentioning how much money you spend on your child during a conflict can make them feel like a burden. If you want to help them understand your efforts, talk about it in calm, loving context.
4. Whether you are happy, sad or angry, your behaviour toward your child should remain fair and loving (consistency).

What You Should Do Instead?

• Every child is unique, with different talents and personalities. Respecting these differences is crucial for healthy development.
• The time you spend with your children, especially during their formative years, stays with them forever. Make sure it’s filled with love, support and attention, not anger.
• Children reflect the behaviour they see. Treat them with the same respect you expect from them. This simple approach builds mutual trust and understanding.
• Remember, your behaviour becomes their blueprint. The way you handle anger today shapes how they will manage their emotions in the future.