7 Rules to make married life more happy

Nithin A. F, Consultant Psychologist, SUT Hospital, Pattom

When two individuals who grow up in different circumstances start living together in the same situation, many problems may arise. In the midst of these differences and problems, it is very important that they move forward with their lives together. The problems that arise in the marital relationship affect not only those individuals, but also the next generation. Well-functioning family relationships are essential for a productive society. So let us look into the seven rules for a good marital relationship.

1. Communication
A lack of effective communication is the beginning of marital problems in many families. It is essential to set aside an hour every day for communication. Try sincerely to talk about everything openly and understand your spouse. It is very important that the listener should be very enthusiastic and active. Listen very carefully to everything that is said and respond. Emotional validation is very important. Sometimes you will say some things that seem very silly to the listener, but do not take it lightly, but try to understand the situation as if you are facing it.
The basis of communication should be Honesty, Loyalty and Sincerity. Telling Even if there are temporary losses, pains or failures, ultimately telling the truth is better.

2. Intimacy
Intimacy is the next level of communication. Let’s describe a context to understand what intimacy is. Suppose we meet a stranger. First we ask the name, next time we may ask them where they are residing and other time we ask about the family and that relationship grows very deep. In this case, we feel closeness or intimacy when we tell each other about personal things. When such intimacy is developed in a marriage relationship, husband and wife can understand each other’s mental states and maintain a very deep relationship.

3. Commitment
Marriage is a long term commitment. Commitment is a conscious decision to genuinely continue a relationship, no matter how good or difficult it is. It is not about getting a good wife or a good husband. On the contrary, it is how we can be a good husband or wife that creates satisfaction in life so commitment is very important in married life.

4. Digital Minimalism
We are living in an era of online connectivity and use of electronic devices. It is a fact that they have some essential uses. But all these are destroying the meaningful time that should be spent in family. Therefore, the idea of digital minimalism should be a priority to married life and to limit the use of digital devices only to the essentials.

5. Spend 50% of the time with your partner
Nowadays it is common that many spouses staying away due to work or other similar reasons. But this is not a healthy trend when we think about the meaning and purpose of married life. Spending 50% of daily time with your spouse is essential for a successful married life.

6. Do household chores together
House and home are two different words in English. A house becomes a home when the people in that house know their own responsibilities and duties. These duties and responsibilities are not gender discriminated. Acknowledge the fact and importance of working for the family. This approach is good for both family and career.

7. Financial Arrangement (50/20/20/10 Rule of Budgeting)
It can be seen that many families are broken because of not paying attention to income and expenditure figures. Therefore, wealth should be used very carefully. One such rule is the 50/20/20/10 rule of budgeting. Spend 50% of our total income on basic daily needs, Spend 20% on fun and entertainment, Use the next 20% for investments, Use the remaining 10% for charitable causes. Then you can experience life becoming more positive. Never compare ourselves with others. Such unwholesome thoughts of comparison can lead to disappointment in life. Instead compare our yesterdays and try to rise above them.

Apply these rules in your married life and live happily.